Honoring my parents
Wednesday, March 4th, 2009When I speak of being a child, you know you are a child if you have parents who are still living. Does God really expect children to honor their father and mother because it is right? Do you really think that an adult child can honor their father and mother even if they’ve abused them and been bad parents and now have financial need at the end of their life?
Let’s go back to Ephesus…
What was it like to grow up in Ephesus at the time of this writing? Imagine what it would be like in Ephesus.
There were four characteristics of children living in the Roman Empire during this time…
1) Roman Patria Potestas:
- A Latin phrase that means “the father’s power”
- The Father has absolute power to sell his children, make his child a slave, and even to put you to death.
- The Father has this power even when you’re grown
2) The Custom of Child Exposure:
- When you were born, you were brought to your father’s feet. He would cross his arms and look at you.
- Option 1 he would pick you up and that would mean that he would receive you and you would be part of the family
- Option 2 he would look at you and if he didn’t like how you looked or you were the wrong sex he would simply turn and you were taken to the forum to be used as a temple prostitute or you were drown and killed.
- This was before Christianity revolutionized how the world looked at women and looked at children.
3) Unwanted Children
- If your parents decided that you were another mouth to feed or they didn’t want you anymore they would take you to the forum
- There were people that would raise them to either make them slaves or prostitutes.
4) Merciless to the sickly or deformed child
- Cleft palate
- Scrawny
- Sickly
- Pre-mature birth, etc…
Seneca the ancient writer said, “We slaughter our fierce ox, we strangle a mad dog, we plunge a knife into sickly cattle lest they taint the herd, and children who are born weakly and deformed, we drown.”
So, before you are tempted to blow this stuff off and join the rest of the culture in divorcing yourself from your parents, consider that the teachings in this book are the very things that transformed a whole culture where moms, dads, and families came into being the way we know them to be today.
Let’s talk about three different groups of children… First the younger ones, then the young adults, and finally adult children.
Do you know when the first time it was that God addressed children in the Bible? It was the 10 Commandments. “Children, honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.”
What does it mean to honor?
The Hebrew Word for honor means:
- To be heavy
- To glorify
- To ascribe value, and worth and respect
- To hold in high regard.
This same word is seen three times in the Old Testament
Lev 19:3 (Revere) Fear, awe, respect
Deut 26:19 to give fame, to praise, to speak well of, to enhance the reputation
1 Sam 2:29-30 You want to please and obey this person over and above every other relationship
This is so important because there are two things that God is trying to get across:
1) Family is the foundational relationship in life. The way you are in the relationships with your family is the way you will be in the relationships of life.
2) Family is where you learn to obey authority.
The idea here is that children will learn to honor, respect, glorify, praise, and hold in awe the parental authority figure whom you can see so that later on in life you will do the same to God whom you cannot see.
If you can’t learn it in a home with people you can see, then how will you learn it outside the home to a God you cannot see?
How you relate to your parents will impact every area of your life. It shapes every relationship you will ever have.
How you love, how you care, how you nurture, how you protect…everything.
It shapes your values, your morals, your principles…everything.
Some of the deepest problems and greatest successes we have in our lives are because of how we were raised.
Parents are to live in such a way that they deserve honor and children are to honor unconditionally.
Children are to revere, respect, and obey as if your parents were speaking on behalf of God.
What does it look like?
I. Honoring your parents when you are small:
To Honor means:
- To obey them…because it’s right….its the best thing to do.
- Ephesians 6:1
- This is the most important thing you do and it has a promise attached to it.
To Obey means: When your parents speak, you listen and respond.
The word parent is a Latin legal phrase that means: “In loco day” In The Place Of God
To the extent that you obey your parents, you are obeying God. To the degree that you disobey your parents, you disobey God.
Biblical obedience:
1. It’s immediate…you don’t do it when you feel like it. You do it immediately
2. It’s complete and not partial (partial obedience is disobedience)
3. It’s with a good attitude (not rolling your eyes or slamming the door as you do the right thing).
Children, obey your parents in the Lord because it’s right…because God said so.
This doesn’t mean your parents are always going to do the right thing. They make mistakes.
Your parents will make mistakes. They will blame you when you didn’t do something wrong. They will discipline you wrongly. They will be unfair, unjust, and unmerciful.
You don’t obey because everything your parents say is right. You obey because God divinely ordained them to be your parents and you submit to them as an act of obedience to Him.
When you do that, all the power of heaven comes in to bless your life.
There’s only one command in the bible to children…Children obey your parents.
Remember, children are less than human beings in this culture but Paul assumes the children are in the public church meeting.
The fact that Paul is addressing children in church means that children matter. They aren’t second class citizens.
That also tells me that God holds children morally responsible for what’s said in church.
You should worship together as a family every week. In high school, many times they sit with other teenagers but you should make sure that at least once a week you worship together.
Your kids need to see their parents worshiping, taking notes, opening their bible, etc…
II. Honoring Your Parents as a Teenager and Young Adult
To honor means:
To respect and cooperate with them…the assumption is that you already know how to obey.
- Tension is normal
- Lack of respect is not negotiable
- This culture is all about anti-authority
Prov 23:22
Prov 20:20
Rom 1:30
2 Tim 3:2
- If you want the God who created you to be upset with you, be disobedient to your parents
- Regardless of what the culture says, being disrespectful and disobedient to your parents puts you on dangerous…dangerous ground.
Deut 21
- The OT solution to juvenile delinquency is: Stoning…the death penalty
- Knowing that background, I would take that very seriously
How do you know if you are respecting your parents?
- How’s your speech?
- How’s your dress?
- How’s your attitude?
- How’s your body language?
- How’s your respect in the gray areas (movies, friends, music)? The areas that are their preferences.
- How’s your behavior when you’re not at home?
- How responsible are you at home?
Do you know the reason why many kids are not respectful to their parents? It’s because the parents don’t have the guts to say, “This is the way we do it in this home” and then won’t follow up with consequences when it’s not done that way.
We set them up for failure when that happens.
Regardless of how much you know. Parents still have to parent and children still have to obey.
III. Honoring Your Parents as Adult Children
To honor means:
- We affirm them
- We are available to give financial provision
As adult children our job is not to obey our parents. Our job is to affirm and provide financially for our parents.
Prov 23:24 – The greatest way to affirm your parents is in the kind of person you become. It’s your character.
How to affirm your parents:
2. The greatest gift of affirmation that reflects back on them is your character.
3. Communication:
- Write them notes
- Call them
4. Thoughtfulness:
- Include your parents
5. Respect:
- Ask their advice
1 Timothy 5:4; 8
This command is before social security and before Medicare. This command to honor your parents doesn’t end until they die.
Are there any instances when you don’t have to honor your parents?
1. The priority of salvation (your parents or God)
2. The priority of service (your vocation or God)
3. The priority of your marriage (your parents or your marriage)
4. The priority of wisdom (an abusive relationship, something that would endanger your children, or ongoing manipulation) Proverbs 9:7-9
Mike DeGuzman is a biblical life coach who speaks on a variety of topics that relate to marriage, parenting, and teenagers. Contact him at cbcdeguzman@gmail.com or (843) 812-7690.
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