Center for Biblical Coaching

Get Fired in 10 Easy Steps

But, why would I want to get fired? If you get fired, you can collect unemployment, complain about your former boss, talk about how you were given a raw deal, have more time for facebook, tv, and video games. Plus, as an added bonus you can brag about saying, “You can’t fire me… I QUIT!” Don’t actually do that though. If you quit, you won’t get unemployment.

You’ll live in infamy as your friends all have to get out of bed before noon and go to work. But, not you. You’ll know who got kicked off the Island, got the bachelorette, and who won a car on “The Price is Right” (unless you sleep in). You’ll be the Wii sports champion and the envy of all your friends.

Ready to get fired? If you do any of these 10 things over a long period of time, you’ll be fired in no time.

1. When you’re at work, don’t work. Seriously, the only reason they want you there is so you can make them more money. You’re a money making set of pliers in your boss’s toolbox. Don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you work while at work.

2. Show up late and ask to leave early. If you don’t do this often enough, they’ll think you’re like everyone else. If you find yourself showing up early and working hard until the time is up or the job is done, you’ll end up getting a raise and it will be harder than ever to get fired.

3. Be dishonest. I’ve heard some boss’s will keep you around just because they know they can trust you. Don’t do anything big that will get you off of the couch and into the prison cell. Do the little things. Lie about a co-worker, a customer, or product.

4. Gossip. Did you know that at Dave Ramsey’s organization, if you gossip about anybody, you’re fired? While most places aren’t that hard-core, if you’ll talk about people to other people nobody will want you around and pretty soon, your co-workers will appeal to the boss for your immediate firing. They’ll think they got you good. You’ll know you’re right where you want to be.

5. “Forget” you were supposed to work. If you want to get fired really quick, don’t write out your schedule, don’t put it on a calendar, just try to remember it in your double-minded little head.

6. Be out of uniform. If they want you to wear black pants, wear khaki and tell them your black ones were dirty and these ones look better anyway. Forget your name tag, your hat, or your company shirt. You can even wear what you’re supposed to wear just don’t have it washed or ironed. Nobody wants to have a sloppy employee representing their company. But, be consistent with being out of uniform.

7. Fall asleep on the job. This goes together with #1. Sit back, kick your feet up, lean your head back and pray that your mouth will fall open, eyes will roll back, and drool will steadily flow. Don’t jump when your boss comes in and wakes you though. Instead, rub your eyes, give a disgusted look, and say, “Do you mind? I’m sleeping here!”

8. Recommend your competitor’s product to your customers. “Really? Seriously? You want a chicken sandwich from here? McDonald’s has them on the dollar menu and they’re a lot cheaper. In fact, here’s a dollar. Pick one up for me on the way back.”

9. Blame shift. Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the Serpent. Blame shifting has been happening since the beginning of man so there’s no need for you to take responsibility for anything. If its your fault, find someone else to take the fall. If you start taking responsibility for your actions, your boss will keep you around just because he’ll think you’re salvageable.

10. Ask for a raise. If he still has you around after doing these first nine things, ask for a raise.

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