Communication and Conflict Resolution
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009Do you find yourself fighting with your spouse or your kids over everything? Have you ever heard of a “Conference Table” approach to solving problems biblically? I promise that if you’ll take this biblical approach to solving your communication and conflict resolution problems, you’ll begin to experience the freedom and joy of being at peace with all men.
The Conference Table
- Meet every day if necessary
- Husband is the leader
- Meet at a table (writing can be done, harder to walk away, time needed to get to the table)
- The table becomes a symbol of hope
- Gives time for the members of a family to meet together and talk over the day’s problems.
Rules of the Conference Table
Rule 1: Ephesians 4:25-32 is read aloud FIRST
Rule 2: At this table everyone begins to discuss the problems of the day in terms of his own responses to them (first setting right his own failure). This takes the log out of his eye according to Matthew 7:1-5
- If he has been jealous, how he has felt bitter, how he has acted spitefully, how he has been angry, etc.
- He may also mention wrongs done toward others outside the home and may seek advice and help on how to best deal with them.
- He admits his own sins first and asks for forgiveness and help. This helps avoid similar problems in the future.
Rule 3: The offended party grants forgiveness based on Ephesians 4:32 and offers to help.
- Part of the help given may be some accountability actions on behalf of the other family members.
- As he talks about himself and directs attention to his own failures, fears and sins, communication opens up.
- If he begins by confronting someone else at the table, a clash may occur. This cannot happen!
- When members of a family begin to confess sins to one another, they find that they can ask for and receive the help they need.
- Confession and forgiveness allows you to shift the focus from the person to the problem.
Rule 4: The conference table does not exist in order to tell others off.
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Rule 5: Speak the truth, but always in love, and always with the intention of getting help.
Read back through Ephesians 4:25-32
- If the rules are broken, a prearranged signal happens by someone recognizing that the standard of this passage is not being held and simply stands up.
- When someone stands up, the other participant recognizes that a rule was broken.
- If the one who is seated finds himself in the wrong, he immediately should say something like, “I understand what you’re saying. Please sit down, let’s talk about the problem instead of arguing and getting upset. Will you forgive me?”
This is not natural and will seem awkward for a few weeks. But, many things you’ve accomplished were awkward at first: riding a bike, ice skating, driving stick, etc…
This is part of not letting the sun go down on your anger.
The idea behind the conference table is not that you will become great at solving problems at the conference table but that you will begin working through confession, repentance, and forgiveness as the need arises. Soon, instead of having to go to the table to solve problems, you’ll confess your sin and ask for forgiveness immediately.
Mike DeGuzman is a biblical life coach who speaks on a variety of topics that relate to marriage, parenting, and teenagers. Contact him at cbcdeguzman@gmail.com or (843) 812-7690.
