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Chapter One
The Marriage Covenant:
First of all, I don’t think I totally understood what a covenant was until studying the Scriptures. Sure, I’d heard the word before but I just figured it was one of those religious words that meant something to a theologian but not someone like me. Could you use the word “contract” and mean the same thing today? Even when I look it up, the definition is simply, “an agreement.” So what? What’s the big deal about a marriage agreement? Is there more to it than that?
As I’ve talked to people I realized that most of them didn’t know what a covenant was. The more I’ve studied about covenant marriage, the more I realize how important it is to have a complete understanding of this term. If you don’t understand what a holy covenant is, you will never be fulfilled in marriage. If you don’t understand what a holy covenant is, you will have relationships with people you have no business having relationships with. And if you don’t understand what a holy covenant is, you will never have the family that God wants you to have.
Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Malachi 2:14
The biblical definition of a covenant is, “A solemn agreement with binding force.” The Hebrew word for covenant means to cut. The idea is to cut in order to bleed. It’s a bond of blood. It’s the blood of one and the blood of another intermingling. Do you remember when you were a kid and had a blood brother. I guess I don’t know of any girls that did this but it was fairly common among boys. With the onset of HIV/AIDS I doubt this type of thing happens very often today. I have a friend that told me his story recently about becoming a blood brother. He said that him and his friend decided they were going to “seal the deal.” We’re going to be friends for life and become blood brothers. My buddy took his knife and cut a deep slice in his hand. His friend was so scared after seeing all the blood that he just pricked his finger. My buddy felt cheated. Here he had poured out his blood and his blood brother had simply poked a small hole. In a biblical covenant, it’s an all or nothing agreement. It’s an agreement with binding force.
As far as I can tell, there are four characteristics of a covenant from the Bible. I’ll explain what they are and then show biblical examples. 1) A covenant is initiated by a vow or a promise; 2) A covenant comes with specific conditions; 3) A covenant is ratified by blood and; 4) There’s a sign that you look back to.
Biblical Examples of Covenants:
The Noahic Covenant:
1) The Vow/Promise: Genesis 6:7, …”I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, from man to animals to creeping things and to birds of the sky; for I am sorry that I have made them. The promise is that God is going to destroy man.
2) The Specific Condition: Genesis 6:13, 14 “Then God said to Noah, “The end of all flesh has come before Me; for the earth is filled with violence because of them; and behold, I am about to destroy them with the earth. Make for yourself an ark of gopher wood; you shall make the ark with rooms, and shall cover it inside and out with pitch. Genesis 6:18 …”I will establish My covenant with you; and you shall enter the ark—you and your sons and your wife, and your sons’ wives with you. The specific condition is that Noah must build an ark and follow God.
3) The Blood: Noah obeys God, comes out of the ark and ratifies the covenant by sacrificing some animals. Genesis 8:20 “Then Noah built an altar to the Lord and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird and offered burnt offerings on the altar.
4) The Sign: The rainbow is God’s sign that He will never flood the whole earth again. Genesis 9:16-17 “When the bow is in the cloud, then I will look upon it, to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” And God said to Noah, “this is the sign of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is on the earth.”
The Abrahamic Covenant:
1) The Vow/Promise: Genesis 12:2-3 “I will make you a great nation and I will bless you, and make your name great; and so you shall be a blessing; And I will bless those who bless you and the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the nations of the earth shall be blessed.” Later in 13:16 God says, “I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth; so that if anyone can number the dust of the earth, then your descendants can also be numbered.
2) The Specific Condition: Genesis 12:1 Now the Lord said to Abram, go forth from your country, and from your relatives and from your father’s house, to the land which I will show you.
3) The Blood: (Genesis 15) Abraham sacrifices a heifer, a goat, a ram, a turtledove, and a pigeon. He cuts everything in half (except the birds). The sun set and the power of God comes like a flaming torch and goes in between the sacrifices and God seals the covenant.
4) The Sign: Genesis 17:10 “This is my covenant, which you shall keep, between Me and you and your descendants after you; every male among you shall be circumcised.
The Mosaic Covenant:
1) The Vow/Promise: Exodus 19:5 If you will obey my voice and keep My covenant, then you shall be My own possession among all the people, for all the earth is mine.” Basically, God is saying, “I will be your God, you will be My people.”
2) The Specific Condition: The condition is found in the same verse where God says, “If you will obey my voice and keep My covenant.”
3) The Blood: Exodus 24:5 “And he sent young me of the sons of Israel, and they offered burnt offerings and sacrificed young bulls as peace offerings to the Lord.
4) The Sign: The Sabbath (everyone else works 7 days, you work 6 days).
Jesus’ Covenant:
1) The Vow/Promise: John 3:16 Everyone who believes in Me will have eternal life
2) The Specific Condition: You must believe
3) The Blood: John 19:30 It is finished. The cross ratifies the covenant with His blood. The veil is split in two and mankind now has access to the Holy covenant.
4) The Sign: Ephesians 1:13-14 In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory. The Holy Spirit is the sign of the covenant.
The Marriage Covenant:
1) The Vow/Promise: Genesis 2:24 “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Becoming one flesh is the promise.
2) The Specific Condition: The husband and wife functioning in their appropriate biblical roles.
3) The Blood: The female anatomy. Unfortunately, in our day many of our young people are not entering into marriage as virgins. But, this is God’s perfect plan.
4) The Sign: In our culture, the sign is the Wedding Ring. Different cultures have different symbols but, for the most part, the wedding band is a sign of marriage.
Your marriage is a holy covenant…it is not a contract. It is an irrevocable commitment of unconditional love towards an imperfect person…forever! The marriage covenant is very, very serious. It is forever. You will wound each other, you will hurt each other but there is no getting out of marriage when you are in covenant marriage. For those who enter marriage with divorce as an option, they will exercise that option. Every marriage has “issues.” Face it, any time you put two sinners in the same household together, you have problems. The marriages that best picture God’s Design for marriage are the ones that understand and practice the marriage covenant.
Biblical Love
You’ve heard the songs and seen the movies of romantic love. As much as I hate to admit it, one of my favorite movies of all time is “The Little Mermaid.” Even writing those words on paper hurts. Can you believe it? A grown man like me really enjoying The Little Mermaid? I’m not sure why I like it so much. I like the music more than anything. It was the first movie we ever brought my oldest daughter to. I think Maria was around five years old when we took her to see it. I remember Sabastian as he was taking matters into his own hands in trying to get Prince Erik to kiss the mermaid turned dumb girl Ariel as a sign of true love. Consider these words as you ask yourself the question, “What is this song trying to communicate about love?”:
There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don’t got a lot to say
But there’s something about her
And you don’t know why
But you’re dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl
Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
It’s possible she wants you, too
There is one way to ask her
It don’t take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl
Sing with me now
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My, oh, my
Look at the boy too shy
He ain’t gonna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Ain’t that sad
Ain’t it shame, too bad
You gonna miss the girl
Now’s your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy, you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don’t say a word
And she won’t say a word
Until you kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t stop now
Don’t try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Float along
Listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Music play
Do what the music say
You wanna kiss the girl
You’ve got to kiss the girl
Why don’t you kiss the girl
You gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl
What is this song communicating about love? It’s actually somewhat perverted when you read words like, “Yes, you want her, look at her you know you do.” Is that the message we want to send out to our five year olds? Have you ever given thought to how old Ariel is at this time in her life? She looks to be about sixteen or so. How many sixteen year olds are there in this world whose boyfriends have pressured them into compromising sexually by saying, “If you really loved me, you’d take this relationship to the next level.”
Our culture is inundated with this type of love. We talk about an angel named Cupid who shoots an arrow and there’s nothing you can do about it. We begin to say things like, “Love is an overwhelming force; the heart wants what it wants; we don’t choose who we fall in love with and my all-time favorite, “This thing is bigger than both of us.” Are you serious? As soon as the euphoria of your marriage wears off, you realize you’re married to a really selfish person. Now you have conflict. You begin to wonder if you married the right one. This is why covenant love is different than romantic love. Biblical love lasts. It gets better and better. When I was in China a few years ago I was asking what it was like to have arranged marriages. I was shocked and humbled by the answer I received. “In our culture of arranged marriages it starts off cold but gets hotter the more we get to know each other. In your culture, it starts off hot but gets colder the more you get to know each other. While I don’t like to speak in generalities, I think there’s a lot of truth to that statement.
The marriage relationship transcends all other relationships. It’s greater than my relationship with my mother and father. It’s greater than my relationships with all my friends and even greater than my relationship with my children. Marriage is supposed to be the highest and most prioritized of all relationships. Nothing and no one should be allowed to take priority over it. My relationship with my spouse is a covenantal relationship and, as a parent, when my kids get married, I need to understand that this is a new relationship and I must not butt in.
Some of you may be saying, “What about the relationship I have with my kids?’ I love what Dr. Voddie Bauchum says, “We have a job description as it relates to our kids. Get them grown and get them gone. They come into our life, they intrude, and then they leave.”
Let’s take a few minutes and delve deeper into this myth of romantic love. What are the problems with it? As far as I can tell, there are at least three:
Problem 1: No Marriage is Safe
If all of this stuff about romantic love is true, then no marriage is safe. Not even mine. I get to travel fairly often and what if I’m sitting down on an airplane and this beautiful woman sits next to me, gives me “the look” and basically decides she wants me…that’s not funny…it could happen. I mean, its never happened but I’m sure it could. All of a sudden, romantic love strikes me and this thing is bigger than both of us and we don’t choose who we fall in love with and the heart wants what it wants. Can you see why this is such a fallacy? If this is true, then no marriage is safe. What if it happens to Sherry?
Problem #2: Feelings change
When we base our theology on our emotions, we have a weak faith. When you base your marriage on your emotions, you have a weak marriage. When you’re a year into the marriage, things get difficult. When you begin having kids, you may go weeks or months without a good night’s sleep. You’re constantly working trying to pay bills and things aren’t so romantic anymore. If you’ve bought into this myth, your immediate thought is, “I must have married the wrong one.” Then you get problems with gravity where things start to sag that didn’t sag a few years previously and you don’t feel the same way you did before. So the moment you don’t feel this overwhelming chemical reaction, you want out. As I counsel couples I continually hear how they don’t feel like they’re in love any more.
Problem # 3: It’s Not Transferable
If you buy into this myth, it transfers to your spiritual life as well because you don’t “feel” like God loves you anymore. Love is not an overwhelming force! Christ is our model for love. Jesus does not love the church because she’s pretty, or makes Him happy. Jesus loves the church because she’s His bride and He has a covenant with her. It’s not an overwhelming emotion. Jesus is the model with His sacrificial love for the church. Biblical love is a choice! Biblical love lasts! It stays! It is a solid foundation that can be built on. As Jesus talked about our foundation for our faith, He used the story of the wise man and the foolish man who built their homes. Go back and read Matthew 7:24-27. Here you have two men building their homes. Realistically, the man building his house on the sand probably saved quite a bit of money on the foundation and was able to add in extra stuff to make his house look better than the wise man who invested heavily into the foundation. But, when the storms of life came, the house built on the sand collapsed and great was its fall. That’s what’s happening in marriages today. There are people who build their marriage upon the sandy foundation of romantic love and as soon as the storms of life hit, their fall is great. These are people in your church, your neighborhood, your school, and your workplace. You thought they had it all put together because the outside was so good. The problem is that they invested in the wrong thing.
People who follow the cultural myth of romantic love walk away from a relationship and say, “We fell out of love.” What is that all about? You fell out of love? You don’t fall into love so how can you fall out of love? Biblical love and marriage enters you into a covenant. I meet Christian teenagers who are in dating relationships that know it’s wrong. I know because they have to justify the relationship. I especially see it when the person is an unbeliever. They try to talk about missionary dating and say things like, “well, I’m trying to lead him/her to Christ by dating.” By the way, they never say that they’re a pagan. It’s always, “They’re close” or “They’re not as spiritual as I would like them to be” or “they don’t go to church all the time.” Why don’t you just be honest? She’s a pagan, she doesn’t know God but she’s pretty or he’s popular and I don’t want to lose them.
I was speaking to a gentleman recently who was going through some marriage counseling with me. It was Wednesday night when he called and our appointment was scheduled for Friday night. He called to tell me that he was canceling our Friday appointment as well as any appointments afterwards. He was telling me that he was done with this marriage and was separating this week and then divorcing as soon as possible afterwards. I listened to him for a few minutes and then he said, “Mike, you’ve always shot straight with me. Tell me what you think.” My answer was simple, “I think you’re in sin and you need to repent.” “What!?” He was angry, really angry. So, I began to explain how God has called husbands to love their wife as Christ loved the church. He said, “she’s no longer going to be my wife because I’m getting a divorce.” “Okay then, let’s go down to the next lower level. Love your neighbor. You guys live in the same house, sleep in the same bed and eat at the same table. She’s your closest neighbor.” “I told you, we’re separating this week. She’s no longer going to be my neighbor” he replied. “Okay then, lets go to the lowest possible level. Love your enemy.” I laughed as he said, “you’re not going to let this go are you? Okay, so what does it look like to love my enemy?” “Well, when your enemy is hungry, feed him and when he is thirsty, give him a drink.” The more you love your enemy, the more you’ll see her as your neighbor. The more you love your neighbor, the more you’ll see her as your wife.
You see, the desire for romantic love is a real thing that God put in us. The problem with romantic love being your foundation is that it doesn’t last. God did this on purpose. Now you have these desires for intimacy and you have these roadblocks. In a fallen world God has given you these passions for intimacy at the heart level but a fallen, sinful, person to fulfill them. You’re destined to fail. Guess why? Because God wants you to know that you need Him. I must draw near to God and allow Christ to be Lord of my life, feel His unconditional love and then display this unconditional love to my spouse. God’s biggest plan for you is to be like His Son. The best way to do that is to be in the deepest relationship where all this conflict occurs with someone who is as imperfect as you are so that He may mold you and shape you into the image of His Son.
The word love is thrown around so much that our definition is blurred. I love ice cream, candy, and brownies if they have nuts. I love the Tampa Bay Buccaneers as well as the Tampa Bay Rays. I love my wife, my children, my car, my house, and my Macbook Pro. But, is there a difference in these types of love? I love the students in my classes but my children are my beloved. We hear so often how someone will say how they love that song, that band, that food, that church, or their family. But, is there a difference? As you prepare for marriage, what’s the difference between your love for your fiancé and your love for a cold glass of water on a hot day? Are you looking toward your fiancé to provide you with refreshment? What happens when he/she fails to do that? Let’s take a few minutes and consider four different types of love from the Greek.
The first of these types of love is the word eros. Eros, from which we get the word erotic, has to do with pleasure. The greater the pleasure one receives from the person, the greater the love. The lesser the pleasure, the lesser the love. This is conditional love based on what the person can give to you. Most of our love songs today deal with this kind of love. You see it in Sebastian creating “the mood” to songs by Elvis Presley, Barbara Streisand, Whitney Houston and a host of others. They speak of Eros all the way. But, what happens when they no longer receive that kind of pleasure?
God made it clear that sexual immorality is a sin, and there are consequences to this kind of behavior. If the love you feel for the other person is based on Eros from sexual pleasure, you need to repent now and rethink the nature of the relationship. Maybe you’re not having sex, but you are on the line; you need to repent and rethink the nature of the relationship. Maybe what you do together is not sexual but brings much pleasure to you. Is this the foundation for your relationship? Is the love you have for the other person foundationally based upon the pleasure you are receiving? I hear people tell me how good they feel when they’re around the other person. Believe it or not, that wears off. The question that should concern you is what happens when you no longer receive that pleasure in the manner that leads you to love that person? Unfortunately, for many the love they have for their future spouse is Eros, its conditioned upon the pleasure the relationship is bringing to them. Defined simply, Eros says, “I love you based on how you please me physically.”
The second Greek word used for love is called Stergo. Stergo is the kind of love based on kinship. This kind of love is based on the fact that someone is in your family. Based upon the fact that you’re related to them, you show some sense of love. You put up with things, you treat them kindly, and give to them because they are family. Most of us have family members that, if we weren’t related to them, we’d want absolutely nothing to do with them. C’mon, think about it. Is the same thing true of you as well? In a pre-marital relationship, you’re not related yet. But, this can be true of your marriage later. Gary and Barb Rosberg write in their book Divorce Proof Your Marriage about emotional divorce. Many couples end up emotionally divorced but won’t go all the way to divorce simply because of Stergo. I asked a number of folks recently, “Are you enjoying your marriage or enduring in your marriage?” Believe it or not, most said they were enduring. That’s Stergo. Are there things you put up with in your fiancé because you are eventually getting married? That’s Stergo. What would you no longer put up with if you were not getting married? These types of questions help you to understand your foundation of love for your fiancé. Simply put, Stergo love says, “I love you based on how you’re related to me.”
The third type of love is Phileo. Phileo is different from Eros and Stergo in that it is love based on attraction, affection, common interest or common goals. It is ‘brotherly love.’ The greater these character traits are true, the greater the love. The lesser these character traits are true, the lesser the love. In other words, the more we have in common, the greater our love for one another. In Phileo love, there’s a tendency for love to rise and fall. This type of love is seen in that you give to the other person in expectation of getting something in return. Peter had Phileo love for Jesus. When his love for Christ called for a sacrifice that could cost Peter his life, he denied Jesus three times. Jesus was willing to love Peter to the point of losing His life, but at that time, Peter was not willing to lose his life for Jesus. Before Pentacost, his affection for Jesus did not go so far as to die for Jesus. After Pentacost, his love for Christ went as far as death for Him.
At first glance at these three types of love, it appears to have a negative connotation to them. That’s not the case. All of these types of love should be present in every marriage relationship. The problem happens when one of these types of loves is the foundation for your relationship. Think about it. If your foundation for love is based on Eros, what happens a year into the marriage when things aren’t so romantic anymore? That’s when you hear people say, “We fell out of love.” If your foundation for marriage is Stergo where your love is based on the fact that you are husband and wife, then where is the joy? At that point, you’re simply enduring your marriage but certainly not enjoying it. And, if your foundation for love is Phileo, there’s going to come a time when the things you have in common will begin to fade away. I see it all the time where couples who used to enjoy doing activities together no longer do them. Girls who used to attend games with their boyfriends weren’t really interested in the game but wanted to spend time with him. Now, he goes to games by himself or with his friends and she’s left at home complaining that they never do anything together anymore.
To summarize these types of love, we could say:
- Stergo – I love you because we’re kin.
- Eros – I love you because how you make me feel
- Phileo – I love you because of the things we share in common.
But, there’s a fourth type of love, Agape. This is unconditional love. This type of love is not based on feelings but based on commitment. I do good to another because I love them. It doesn’t matter how they make me feel, how we’re related, or what we share in common. By the way, this is the type of love that God has for the world. God so loved (Agape) the world that He gave His only Son. God proved His love for us in that while we were yet sinners (in rebellion against God’s righteousness), Christ died for us. This is the type of love that should be the foundational love that spouses share.
Agape love is the only love that can truly keep the marriage vows. In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, for richer and for poorer! Our vows are based on Agape love but how quickly people forget. “We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
Posted in Coaching, Husbands, Marriage, WivesBy Mike DeGuzman
Stop Whining
The hard part about me writing an article about whining is that its going to sound like I’m whining when I write it. In a sense, I guess I am. Realistically, I hate whining and I hate listening to people whine. Whining, Complaining, Griping, Grumbling, Venting, Murmuring, etc… are all the same to me. I find myself listening for a little while and saying things like, “Well, you know it could be worst.” I had a couple I was counseling whose husband was a slob. He really was. He left the toilet seat up, dirty socks and underwear laying on the floor, and never put anything away. No, it wasn’t me. After listening to the wife complain (legitimately so, some would say), I finally said, “Let’s say that I’m God and I look down out of heaven and say, ‘Boy oh boy do I love my daughter Susie (the wife’s fictitious name), but if there was one thing I would like to see changed about her, it would be _________________.”‘ “How would you fill in that blank?” I asked Susie. She said that God would want her to be more patient. I simply asked, “Do you think God is using your husbands sloppyness to make you more patient like Christ?”
Of course, her husband looked up from his downcast face with a smile and said, “Yeah, honey!” “We’ll get to you in a minute” I said. She smiled and said, “I’ve never thought of it that way.”
Posted in Children, Coaching, Friends, Husbands, Marriage, Parenting, Parents, Students, Teenagers, WivesBy Mike DeGuzman
So, You Wanna Be Rich?
So, You Wanna Be Rich?
Did you know…
- 74% of millionaires are small business owners?
- 25% of millionaires are sales people, ceo’s, and consultants?
- 1% of millionaires are actors, athletes, and musicians? (I find it amazing how that 1% seems to define who we are and what we want to become)
Interesting facts about the average millionaire…
1. The average millionaire doesn’t drive a new car, they drive a 2 year old car and pay cash for it so that someone else takes the depreciation. By the way, the average car loses anywhere from 50% – 70% of its value by the time it’s 4 years old.
2. The average millionaire does smart things over and over again. They keep it simple and build wealth. They’re more like crock pots than microwaves.
By Mike DeGuzman
Lovers not Lawyers
Communicating with your spouse like lovers not lawyers
5 Habits of successful communication…Notice they’re in A, B, C, D, E order
Ask Advice – One of the best ways to honor your spouse is to ask for their advice. Trust me…they have opinions. When you ask for their advice, you’re telling them you value them. You value what they think and you want them to give input into your life.
Brag publicly – This builds them up. They’ll act shy just like we do but we like it too. Even though we don’t want to admit it…it’s nice. Its nice to have your spouse brag about you to the people you rub shoulders with.
Posted in Husbands, Marriage, WivesBy Mike DeGuzman
Get Fired in 10 Easy Steps
But, why would I want to get fired? If you get fired, you can collect unemployment, complain about your former boss, talk about how you were given a raw deal, have more time for facebook, tv, and video games. Plus, as an added bonus you can brag about saying, “You can’t fire me… I QUIT!” Don’t actually do that though. If you quit, you won’t get unemployment.
You’ll live in infamy as your friends all have to get out of bed before noon and go to work. But, not you. You’ll know who got kicked off the Island, got the bachelorette, and who won a car on “The Price is Right” (unless you sleep in). You’ll be the Wii sports champion and the envy of all your friends.
Ready to get fired? If you do any of these 10 things over a long period of time, you’ll be fired in no time.
1. When you’re at work, don’t work. Seriously, the only reason they want you there is so you can make them more money. You’re a money making set of pliers in your boss’s toolbox. Don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you work while at work.
2. Show up late and ask to leave early. If you don’t do this often enough, they’ll think you’re like everyone else. If you find yourself showing up early and working hard until the time is up or the job is done, you’ll end up getting a raise and it will be harder than ever to get fired.
3. Be dishonest. I’ve heard some boss’s will keep you around just because they know they can trust you. Don’t do anything big that will get you off of the couch and into the prison cell. Do the little things. Lie about a co-worker, a customer, or product.
Posted in Children, Marriage, TeenagersBy Mike DeGuzman
Summer Jobs
Finding a Summer Job
Finally! School is out! I ain’t doing nuttin for the next 3 months! Well, by nuttin, I don’t mean nuttin at all. I have big plans. I’m going to the beach pretty much every day. I’m going to my friend’s house pretty much every night. I’m sleeping in until noon pretty much every day.
Wouldn’t that be nice? Well, maybe not. God has created us to play AND work. We need to have a good balance of both. Too much work and you won’t have a life. Too little work and you won’t have any feeling of accomplishment…or money!
Here are some tips for making money this summer.
Some things to consider:
- You can always make more money working for yourself and not working for someone else.
- This is a rare occasion in your life where you can experience lots of different things to know what you want to do and definitely DO NOT want to do for a vocation. That means its not a waste of time to do “free” work.
- When you work at cool stores (Gap, Limited, American Eagle, etc…) you’ll end up spending your entire paycheck buying clothes and looking cool, but broke and unable to go anywhere to show off.
- With unemployment at record levels, you will have to think outside the box when looking for a job.
- If you work for yourself, you can set your hours so you’ll have a life, make money, AND fire yourself if needed.
Here is a list of 10 things you can do this summer where you can set your own hours.
1. Babysitting/working as a nanny or a manny (male nanny)
2. Snack business (vending at office spaces with little jar that employees put money in. You supply the items people want, purchase them, and resell them. But, make sure you’re checking your stock levels.)
3. Dog walking/pet sitting
4. Mowing grass, pulling weeds, etc…
5. House sitting
6. Create advertising brochures that companies invest in and you distribute
7. Clean gutters
8. Design blog-sites for local businesses
9. Set up local businesses on social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Linkedin, YouTube, etc… For a weekly fee, you can monitor and post on these sites.
10. Wash windows, wash cars, or wash dogs. You get the idea…wash something!
Need help with getting your idea off the drawing board and onto the streets? Fill out the form below and we’ll take 30 minutes to make a plan:
cforms contact form by delicious:days
Posted in Children, Parenting, Students, TeenagersBy Mike DeGuzman
Marriage Test
Sometimes couples can get off track without even recognizing it. This 20 question marriage test will give you some idea for what areas need to be “tweaked” or talked over with your spouse.
1. My spouse and I have a good idea of what is happening in each other‘s life.
Yes No
2. My spouse and I have a good time together and are generally in a good mood.
Yes No
3. We touch each other with love throughout the day.
Yes No
4. Neither I nor my spouse are often irritable or in a bad mood.
Yes No
5. We confess our shortcomings to each other, ask for and offer forgiveness, and work through disagreements in healthy ways.
Yes No
6. We do not let small issues escalate into bigger ones.
Yes No
7. We are intentional about spending time together and enjoy each other’s company.
Yes No
8. When we disagree, we seek to understand the other person and arrive at a mutual conclusion.
Yes No
9. Neither of us would describe ourselves as feeling lonely.
Yes No
10. My spouse and I both feel respected in this marriage.
Yes No
11. There is a lot more positive than negative in our relationship.
Yes No
12. We do not keep secrets from each other.
Yes No
13. We are friends on facebook, have access to each other’s email and cell phones, but feel no need to check up on each other. Neither one of us has given the other reason to lose trust.
Yes No
14. We would agree that there is a lot to be grateful for in our lives.
Yes No
15. Our relationship is stronger because of the hard times we’ve had.
Yes No
16. We have frequent, good sex where both partners are satisfied.
Yes No
17. We are emotionally available for each other.
Yes No
18. When we talk with our friends about each other, it is only positive, not complaints.
Yes No
19. Generally speaking, we don’t have problems.
Yes No
20. If I had to do it over again, I would choose my spouse for my lifelong partner again and again.
Yes No
21. We pray with and for each other.
Yes No
22. We worship together.
Yes No
23. We serve others together.
Yes No
24. We look for opportunities to help each other grow in their relationship with God.
Yes No
25. We’re best friends.
Yes No
Scoring
If you answered “no” for more than 4 or 5 of these questions, you and your spouse should talk about the state of your marriage and how you might get it in a better spot. It’s probably a good time for some biblical counseling.
If problems don’t get resolved in their early stages, they will generally grow and multiply and biblical counseling will be necessary. A marriage coach will make your good marriage great and your great marriage better.
Did you do well? Congratulations and PLEASE begin investing into others! The institution of marriage is at stake.
Complete the form below for 30 minutes of free coaching.
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Posted in Husbands, Marriage, WivesBy Mike DeGuzman
God’s Masterpiece
Are you ready for to be “Chiseled?” Watch this video to see what God is doing in your life right now!
Posted in Children, Dating, Friends, Husbands, Marriage, Parenting, Parents, Students, Teenagers, WivesBy Mike DeGuzman
10 Steps to Changing Your Spouse for Good!
10 Steps to Changing Your Spouse For Good
If only my spouse would change, life would be perfect. I know I have my issues but… if my spouse would change… ahhhhh….. marital bliss. Here are 10 things you can do this week to get your spouse to change.
1. Let them think you’re putting them first: This is a HUGE principle and the key to getting them to change. This makes them think that life is all about them. Ideally, husband and wife both put the other first. But the only aspect you can control is you. Make it your goal this week to out-serve your spouse. I know, I know, this seems like I’m asking you to change. Don’t change anything on the inside. You’re just making them think they’re first.
2. Have fun together: Movies, walks, picnics, games, trips etc. Not just fun but hilarity. Laughing together is great relationship medicine. Do something silly together just to have fun! Quit being so serious all the time. Remember when you were dating? Do some of those fun things again!
3. Build “together time” into your schedule: Schedule intentional time together today! Want to really get crazy with this? Schedule the time and buy tickets for something you know THEY will enjoy. Guys that means you’re watching a chick-flick and eating fru-fru food with stuff dipped in chocolate. Girls, you’re going to the baseball game as soon as the monster truck rally is over. Shhhh….I guarantee you this will make them think you actually like them and they hold high priority in your life.
4. Don’t sweat the small stuff: When you feel a problem coming on, ask this question, “Is this a moral issue?” If not – and nine times out of ten the issue in question is not, then let it go. Seriously, let it go. Pretty soon they’ll think about how insignificant the problem is and actually stop sweating it too. Remind your spouse of what really counts. Simplify your lifestyle and celebrate what you have. Can you imagine if they actually believe you’re thankful? That will REALLY throw them for a loop. No way they can resist changing if you’re not sweating.
5. Give back, and do it together: Serve in your church together; hook up with a group that helps the less fortunate or restores the environment. Throw yourselves into charitable causes, together, and watch things fall into perspective. Can you imagine your spouse giving back? First, you’re telling them that life is all about them and, next thing you know, you have them giving to others. They’re so gullible!
6. Communicate clearly and respectfully: Misunderstandings are responsible for a lot of tension. Always keep your spouse in the loop and always communicate with love and good manners. Have you ever heard the saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Wrong, wrong, wrong! That just leads to clamming up and bad communication. Instead, I say, “If you don’t have something nice to say, FIND SOMETHING NICE TO SAY…AND SAY IT!” What will they think about you then? Want proof? Go to Ephesians 4:29.
7. Tell the truth: The saying goes like this – when you tell the truth you don’t have to remember what you said the last time. People who don’t keep secrets experience less stress in relationships. Here’s some good advice… Before speaking, ask yourself, “Is it true, is it kind, and is it necessary?” If all three of these are true, let it out. If not, do #6.
8. Hold hands; hug; make out! Physical contact is a proven stress reliever. Squeeze onto the same chair to watch TV – just hang all over one-another. Reach out and take your spouse’s hand while walking, driving, or at an event. Be deliberate about demonstrating affection via physical contact. Your kids are going to think you’re gross if you do this inappropriately. Have a private make out strategy but make sure your kids see you holding hands, hugging, back rubs, and a “pat on that cute butt” is okay as well. Even if its not cute and has flattened out with old age, pat it anyway.
9. Play to your strengths – and your spouse’s: Effective teachers use students’ strengths to overcome weakness – it simply works better than focusing on the negative. Pay attention to your spouse’s strengths – build up, affirm, encourage. Criticism always leads to bad relationships. When was the last time you heard someone say, “You know why I love that person so much? They always tell me how wrong, stupid, insignificant, and irresponsible I am. Yeah, that’s why I’m so happy.” What is your spouse good at? Use your strengths to build up your spouse this week. Once again, they’ll think that life is all about them and you’ll have them right where you want them.
10. Live within your means: Money problems are the leading cause of problems in American marriages. This may take some work but this is a sure fired way to get them to change. Imagine if you actually DON’T buy something you DON’T need this week? Remember #4 (Don’t sweat the small stuff)? It turns out most of the stuff we get into debt over is not worth the problems this will cause in your marriage. Oh no! This is the dreaded “B” word. Budget…there, I said it and it felt good. Budgets don’t limit you, they free you!
Okay, there are 10 ways of getting your spouse to change once and for all. Don’t like it? How’s your plan working? Please add comments at the bottom of the page.
By Mike DeGuzman
Don’t Get A Divorce, Get A Donut!
Okay, so there I was…minding my own business when itunes automatically downloaded this video to my computer. Sherry and I seriously LOL’d about this. I even showed it to the couple I was counseling this evening. What do you think? Add comments at the bottom.
By Mike DeGuzman
