My Articles:
Chapter One
The Marriage Covenant:
First of all, I don’t think I totally understood what a covenant was until studying the Scriptures. Sure, I’d heard the word before but I just figured it was one of those religious words that meant something to a theologian but not someone like me. Could you use the word “contract” and mean the same thing today? Even when I look it up, the definition is simply, “an agreement.” So what? What’s the big deal about a marriage agreement? Is there more to it than that?
Stop Whining
The hard part about me writing an article about whining is that its going to sound like I’m whining when I write it. In a sense, I guess I am. Realistically, I hate whining and I hate listening to people whine. Whining, Complaining, Griping, Grumbling, Venting, Murmuring, etc… are all the same to me. I find myself listening for a little while and saying things like, “Well, you know it could be worst.” I had a couple I was counseling whose husband was a slob. He really was. He left the toilet seat up, dirty socks and underwear laying on the floor, and never put anything away. No, it wasn’t me. After listening to the wife complain (legitimately so, some would say), I finally said, “Let’s say that I’m God and I look down out of heaven and say, ‘Boy oh boy do I love my daughter Susie (the wife’s fictitious name), but if there was one thing I would like to see changed about her, it would be _________________.”‘ “How would you fill in that blank?” I asked Susie. She said that God would want her to be more patient. I simply asked, “Do you think God is using your husbands sloppyness to make you more patient like Christ?”
Of course, her husband looked up from his downcast face with a smile and said, “Yeah, honey!” “We’ll get to you in a minute” I said. She smiled and said, “I’ve never thought of it that way.”
So, You Wanna Be Rich?
So, You Wanna Be Rich?
Did you know…
- 74% of millionaires are small business owners?
- 25% of millionaires are sales people, ceo’s, and consultants?
- 1% of millionaires are actors, athletes, and musicians? (I find it amazing how that 1% seems to define who we are and what we want to become)
Interesting facts about the average millionaire…
1. The average millionaire doesn’t drive a new car, they drive a 2 year old car and pay cash for it so that someone else takes the depreciation. By the way, the average car loses anywhere from 50% – 70% of its value by the time it’s 4 years old.
2. The average millionaire does smart things over and over again. They keep it simple and build wealth. They’re more like crock pots than microwaves.
Lovers not Lawyers
Communicating with your spouse like lovers not lawyers
5 Habits of successful communication…Notice they’re in A, B, C, D, E order
Ask Advice – One of the best ways to honor your spouse is to ask for their advice. Trust me…they have opinions. When you ask for their advice, you’re telling them you value them. You value what they think and you want them to give input into your life.
Brag publicly – This builds them up. They’ll act shy just like we do but we like it too. Even though we don’t want to admit it…it’s nice. Its nice to have your spouse brag about you to the people you rub shoulders with.
Get Fired in 10 Easy Steps
But, why would I want to get fired? If you get fired, you can collect unemployment, complain about your former boss, talk about how you were given a raw deal, have more time for facebook, tv, and video games. Plus, as an added bonus you can brag about saying, “You can’t fire me… I QUIT!” Don’t actually do that though. If you quit, you won’t get unemployment.
You’ll live in infamy as your friends all have to get out of bed before noon and go to work. But, not you. You’ll know who got kicked off the Island, got the bachelorette, and who won a car on “The Price is Right” (unless you sleep in). You’ll be the Wii sports champion and the envy of all your friends.
Ready to get fired? If you do any of these 10 things over a long period of time, you’ll be fired in no time.
1. When you’re at work, don’t work. Seriously, the only reason they want you there is so you can make them more money. You’re a money making set of pliers in your boss’s toolbox. Don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you work while at work.
2. Show up late and ask to leave early. If you don’t do this often enough, they’ll think you’re like everyone else. If you find yourself showing up early and working hard until the time is up or the job is done, you’ll end up getting a raise and it will be harder than ever to get fired.
3. Be dishonest. I’ve heard some boss’s will keep you around just because they know they can trust you. Don’t do anything big that will get you off of the couch and into the prison cell. Do the little things. Lie about a co-worker, a customer, or product.
Summer Jobs
Finding a Summer Job
Finally! School is out! I ain’t doing nuttin for the next 3 months! Well, by nuttin, I don’t mean nuttin at all. I have big plans. I’m going to the beach pretty much every day. I’m going to my friend’s house pretty much every night. I’m sleeping in until noon pretty much every day.
Wouldn’t that be nice? Well, maybe not. God has created us to play AND work. We need to have a good balance of both. Too much work and you won’t have a life. Too little work and you won’t have any feeling of accomplishment…or money!
Here are some tips for making money this summer.
Some things to consider:
- You can always make more money working for yourself and not working for someone else.
- This is a rare occasion in your life where you can experience lots of different things to know what you want to do and definitely DO NOT want to do for a vocation. That means its not a waste of time to do “free” work.
- When you work at cool stores (Gap, Limited, American Eagle, etc…) you’ll end up spending your entire paycheck buying clothes and looking cool, but broke and unable to go anywhere to show off.
- With unemployment at record levels, you will have to think outside the box when looking for a job.
- If you work for yourself, you can set your hours so you’ll have a life, make money, AND fire yourself if needed.
Here is a list of 10 things you can do this summer where you can set your own hours.
1. Babysitting/working as a nanny or a manny (male nanny)
2. Snack business (vending at office spaces with little jar that employees put money in. You supply the items people want, purchase them, and resell them. But, make sure you’re checking your stock levels.)
3. Dog walking/pet sitting
4. Mowing grass, pulling weeds, etc…
5. House sitting
6. Create advertising brochures that companies invest in and you distribute
7. Clean gutters
8. Design blog-sites for local businesses
9. Set up local businesses on social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Linkedin, YouTube, etc… For a weekly fee, you can monitor and post on these sites.
10. Wash windows, wash cars, or wash dogs. You get the idea…wash something!
Need help with getting your idea off the drawing board and onto the streets? Fill out the form below and we’ll take 30 minutes to make a plan:
Marriage Test
Sometimes couples can get off track without even recognizing it. This 20 question marriage test will give you some idea for what areas need to be “tweaked” or talked over with your spouse.
1. My spouse and I have a good idea of what is happening in each other‘s life.
Yes No
2. My spouse and I have a good time together and are generally in a good mood.
Yes No
3. We touch each other with love throughout the day.
Yes No
4. Neither I nor my spouse are often irritable or in a bad mood.
Yes No
5. We confess our shortcomings to each other, ask for and offer forgiveness, and work through disagreements in healthy ways.
Yes No
6. We do not let small issues escalate into bigger ones.
Yes No
7. We are intentional about spending time together and enjoy each other’s company.
Yes No
8. When we disagree, we seek to understand the other person and arrive at a mutual conclusion.
Yes No
9. Neither of us would describe ourselves as feeling lonely.
Yes No
10. My spouse and I both feel respected in this marriage.
Yes No
11. There is a lot more positive than negative in our relationship.
Yes No
12. We do not keep secrets from each other.
Yes No
13. We are friends on facebook, have access to each other’s email and cell phones, but feel no need to check up on each other. Neither one of us has given the other reason to lose trust.
Yes No
14. We would agree that there is a lot to be grateful for in our lives.
Yes No
15. Our relationship is stronger because of the hard times we’ve had.
Yes No
16. We have frequent, good sex where both partners are satisfied.
Yes No
17. We are emotionally available for each other.
Yes No
18. When we talk with our friends about each other, it is only positive, not complaints.
Yes No
19. Generally speaking, we don’t have problems.
Yes No
20. If I had to do it over again, I would choose my spouse for my lifelong partner again and again.
Yes No
21. We pray with and for each other.
Yes No
22. We worship together.
Yes No
23. We serve others together.
Yes No
24. We look for opportunities to help each other grow in their relationship with God.
Yes No
25. We’re best friends.
Yes No
Scoring
If you answered “no” for more than 4 or 5 of these questions, you and your spouse should talk about the state of your marriage and how you might get it in a better spot. It’s probably a good time for some biblical counseling.
If problems don’t get resolved in their early stages, they will generally grow and multiply and biblical counseling will be necessary. A marriage coach will make your good marriage great and your great marriage better.
Did you do well? Congratulations and PLEASE begin investing into others! The institution of marriage is at stake.
Complete the form below for 30 minutes of free coaching.
God’s Masterpiece
Are you ready for to be “Chiseled?” Watch this video to see what God is doing in your life right now!
10 Steps to Changing Your Spouse for Good!
10 Steps to Changing Your Spouse For Good
If only my spouse would change, life would be perfect. I know I have my issues but… if my spouse would change… ahhhhh….. marital bliss. Here are 10 things you can do this week to get your spouse to change.
1. Let them think you’re putting them first: This is a HUGE principle and the key to getting them to change. This makes them think that life is all about them. Ideally, husband and wife both put the other first. But the only aspect you can control is you. Make it your goal this week to out-serve your spouse. I know, I know, this seems like I’m asking you to change. Don’t change anything on the inside. You’re just making them think they’re first.
2. Have fun together: Movies, walks, picnics, games, trips etc. Not just fun but hilarity. Laughing together is great relationship medicine. Do something silly together just to have fun! Quit being so serious all the time. Remember when you were dating? Do some of those fun things again!
3. Build “together time” into your schedule: Schedule intentional time together today! Want to really get crazy with this? Schedule the time and buy tickets for something you know THEY will enjoy. Guys that means you’re watching a chick-flick and eating fru-fru food with stuff dipped in chocolate. Girls, you’re going to the baseball game as soon as the monster truck rally is over. Shhhh….I guarantee you this will make them think you actually like them and they hold high priority in your life.
4. Don’t sweat the small stuff: When you feel a problem coming on, ask this question, “Is this a moral issue?” If not – and nine times out of ten the issue in question is not, then let it go. Seriously, let it go. Pretty soon they’ll think about how insignificant the problem is and actually stop sweating it too. Remind your spouse of what really counts. Simplify your lifestyle and celebrate what you have. Can you imagine if they actually believe you’re thankful? That will REALLY throw them for a loop. No way they can resist changing if you’re not sweating.
5. Give back, and do it together: Serve in your church together; hook up with a group that helps the less fortunate or restores the environment. Throw yourselves into charitable causes, together, and watch things fall into perspective. Can you imagine your spouse giving back? First, you’re telling them that life is all about them and, next thing you know, you have them giving to others. They’re so gullible!
6. Communicate clearly and respectfully: Misunderstandings are responsible for a lot of tension. Always keep your spouse in the loop and always communicate with love and good manners. Have you ever heard the saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Wrong, wrong, wrong! That just leads to clamming up and bad communication. Instead, I say, “If you don’t have something nice to say, FIND SOMETHING NICE TO SAY…AND SAY IT!” What will they think about you then? Want proof? Go to Ephesians 4:29.
7. Tell the truth: The saying goes like this – when you tell the truth you don’t have to remember what you said the last time. People who don’t keep secrets experience less stress in relationships. Here’s some good advice… Before speaking, ask yourself, “Is it true, is it kind, and is it necessary?” If all three of these are true, let it out. If not, do #6.
8. Hold hands; hug; make out! Physical contact is a proven stress reliever. Squeeze onto the same chair to watch TV – just hang all over one-another. Reach out and take your spouse’s hand while walking, driving, or at an event. Be deliberate about demonstrating affection via physical contact. Your kids are going to think you’re gross if you do this inappropriately. Have a private make out strategy but make sure your kids see you holding hands, hugging, back rubs, and a “pat on that cute butt” is okay as well. Even if its not cute and has flattened out with old age, pat it anyway.
9. Play to your strengths – and your spouse’s: Effective teachers use students’ strengths to overcome weakness – it simply works better than focusing on the negative. Pay attention to your spouse’s strengths – build up, affirm, encourage. Criticism always leads to bad relationships. When was the last time you heard someone say, “You know why I love that person so much? They always tell me how wrong, stupid, insignificant, and irresponsible I am. Yeah, that’s why I’m so happy.” What is your spouse good at? Use your strengths to build up your spouse this week. Once again, they’ll think that life is all about them and you’ll have them right where you want them.
10. Live within your means: Money problems are the leading cause of problems in American marriages. This may take some work but this is a sure fired way to get them to change. Imagine if you actually DON’T buy something you DON’T need this week? Remember #4 (Don’t sweat the small stuff)? It turns out most of the stuff we get into debt over is not worth the problems this will cause in your marriage. Oh no! This is the dreaded “B” word. Budget…there, I said it and it felt good. Budgets don’t limit you, they free you!
Okay, there are 10 ways of getting your spouse to change once and for all. Don’t like it? How’s your plan working? Please add comments at the bottom of the page.
Don’t Get A Divorce, Get A Donut!
Okay, so there I was…minding my own business when itunes automatically downloaded this video to my computer. Sherry and I seriously LOL’d about this. I even showed it to the couple I was counseling this evening. What do you think? Add comments at the bottom.
